So you want to hire a sex worker. But you have no idea how to go about it. Well you’re in the right place. I’m going to give you the DOs and DONTs of booking a provider.
SHAME
First, put aside the shame. A lot of sex workers operate their businesses very professionally. Think of hiring a provider as booking a custom experience and applying for the opportunity, like with a tattoo for example. And like with ones tattoo artist, you have the opportunity to build a rapport with your provider that can result in a really beautiful relationship based on trust and intimacy if you want it to. Or, you can just book someone to help you free your mind and body, and try something new once or twice. We live in a world that denies basic human drives such as intimacy, connection, and sexuality. Think of SWers are radical intimacy givers. And you deserve that.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Once you're mentally settled with that, identify what you’re looking for from your experiences. There are a lot of different niches within sex work: full service, sensual massage, public dates, BDSM/Fem Dom, and more.
Then get more specific with it. Think of things like:
Which kinks, what acts do you desire?
How far in advance can you book? Some providers are available day of, especially at agencies. Others may require booking weeks in advance and a consultation call.
How long of a time together do you want? Could range anywhere from 30 minutes to overnight or longer!
What would your provider ideally look like, what’s their personality like?
Does their ad or site make it clear what their style and approach is and does it match your desire?
Do you want an incall (you go to their space) or outcall (they come to your space/you meet at a third location)?
Do you want a one-on-one experience or do you want to book a double (two providers)?
EXPECTATIONS
Before booking, adjust your expectations. You may not find your perfect match on your first go, but like anything else in life, you can't win if you don't try. Some people find their first experience with a Mistress mind blowing and life altering. Others find them just okay, or they feel uncomfortable, or it was not the right match.
But one great benefit of meeting with a provider is trying something new and getting out of your comfort zone. Indulging in something you've been afraid of. Exploring your sexuality or your kinky side without abandon. So it's worth experimenting with to find that magic.
So if you're ready....
WHERE TO FIND SOMEONE
You can go to ID verified ad sites like Tryst.link, Slixa, and Mistress Guide to search from a database of providers. Alternatively, follow sex workers on social media to learn more about them and be linked to others who are like them. If you're concerned about legitimacy, social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and Tik Tok will show you a look into their lives and their work. You can follow them on their subscription platforms like OnlyFans or buy their clips. Some may even have podcasts, blogs (like me, hello), or other businesses that overlap with their provider brand that give insight into what they're about!
Don't slide into in their DMs with questions that could be answered by their website and NEVER MENTION THEIR IN PERSON SERVICES ON SOCIAL MEDIA OR ONLY FANS! This can get their account frozen/removed. Most SWers have links in their social media bios to their full websites which is where you should go to get booking information.
Some people may choose to locate a brothel or dungeon where providers work in a space owned by someone else and pay house fees. Yes these exist everywhere. Some people like this more because they feel the environment is more legitimate than meeting an individual. Others may like it less because it feels more public. If you do, you can call or visit the location to find out who works there and how to book. One upside of agencies is they often have more immediate availability. Many of these agency providers will be on the same ad sites as independent providers.
This is admittedly, a lot simpler in/near bigger cities. But there are providers in most states and countries.
MY MOST IMPORTANT TIP
I won't bury the lead here. Once you locate a provider you’re interested in, fully read their ad, and their website if they have one. If this is a professional, many of the questions you have will be answered by reading their site. It should tell you all the information you need to know to begin your inquiry and booking and give you a good idea of whether it’s the right match. Many providers will ask you to fill out a form. That ensures they have all the information they need without writing out their same questions and policies over and over in every email, after which they will contact you to finish the booking.
Others may allow you to email or text them about booking, occasionally they will want to set up a call or even a consultation meeting. It truly depends on who you choose.
Once you've read their ad/site, you can ask respectful questions that need clarification, assuming you are serious about booking. Just understand where the line is...
COMMUNICATION AND BOOKING
Be polite and concise with your messages. Don’t expect your provider to give you free service like unpaid sexts/extended text/email conversations about your fantasies.
You should be respectful and don’t talk dirty or use pet names (unless she invites you to). That’s for during your session. She may provide long distance services and if so you can subscribe to a provider’s OnlyFans or purchase their services (like text sessions, video sessions, calls, used items, and clips) if you want some foreplay to your session!
Here's an example of a bad inquiry:
hey baby are you avail in an hr, im clean and 8 inches. i only need 20 min
Here's an example of a better inquiry:
Hi NAME, I found your ad on X site and read your website. I love your photos. How can I book with you and when is your soonest availability?
Your provider will let you know next steps for booking, which usually includes screening for safety, and payment.
SCREENING
Sex work can be risky for the provider, statistically much, much more so than for the client. For most providers, you should be prepared to submit to some type of screening (could be: show your ID, provide a reference, a lot now ask for COVID precautions, like vaccines).
For some clients, privacy is a concern. That’s why you should find out as early as you can in the process to make sure you’re comfortable with the screening requirements. If you object, you can end the interaction or you can politely decline.
Here's two examples of how that could go:
Example A:
Provider: Hi, would you be able to provide a reference or a linkedin link for screening purposes?
You: fuck that. I'm not giving you my personal info. and I dont have a reference. why do you need that stuff? what are you going to do with it? its not my fault its my first time
Example B:
Provider: Hi. Would you be able to provide a linkedin link for screening purposes?
You: I'm actually not comfortable with that and unfortunately I don't have a reference. Thank you anyway
I think you can tell which shows more basic respect/is the right way to decline the screening process.
To move forward, understand it is in the provider's best interest to protect your privacy and keep all your secrets. If you still have shame, fear, and distrust in this area, see section 1 because that's going to be something you need to unpack to enjoy your experience fully.
Ideally it would go:
Provider: Hi, would you be able to provide a reference or a linkedin link for screening purposes?
You: *Understands she is just doing her job and protecting her own tail, and will not do anything nefarious with your linkedin profile* I don't have a reference but sure, here's my LinkedIn
*proceeds to have an incredible experience*
If you're not ready to do this, try the brothel/dungeon route where screening is less strict, or patroning SWers services on online platforms for video, calling, texting, and more to get more comfortable.
PAYING
Your provider will either have their rate/tribute on their website or they will let you know when you reach out/inquire. You can always ask that up front politely, it's understood people need to know how much they will spend.
You will likely need to pay a deposit. Make sure you understand their accepted payment methods (often digital for deposits) and deposit/reschedule/cancellation policies. This is to protect the provider's time and ensure they get paid even if you get cold feet. The rest will be paid at the time of meeting.
Asking for a deposit is not a scam at all. But it is a way people have occasionally gotten scammed.
LEGITIMACY
This why you need to do your research beforehand and you should be able to get a good feel if they're legitimately who they say they are. Despite the “gray market” aspect of this work, escort ad sites are ID verified for providers (which they hate doing too, but it must be done). So that is a layer of protection for the client.
Like I mentioned earlier, if you’re still concerned about “scammers”, seek out a provider with a strong social media presence. Their body of work should show proof that they're “real”. I know it’s hard to believe ;)
Ultimately, If you get an off feeling from someone as you are trying to book or don’t think it’s a good match, just trust your instinct and end the interaction. But don’t accuse the provider you are trying to hire of being a “scammer” or question her policies. It just feels shitty for the majority of providers who work hard to show that they are professional.
BEFORE THE SESSION
If you do get a good feeling from your booking inquiry conversation and you move through all of the steps, you and your provider will set up a date and time to meet. She will give you instructions as to how and where to meet her. She may not provide you an exact address until you are headed over, this is normal. Always remember to come clean and showered (though some may ask you to have a quick rinse when you arrive anyway).
If you’re going to reschedule or cancel, let your provider know well in advance. Same goes for if you're on your way and you're going to be more than 5 minutes late. Respect that they have busy schedules too.
Once it's time for your meeting, just show up, be respectful, relax and enjoy the ride. Your date/Domme will let you know what they expect of you and lead the way.
AFTER THE SESSION
Tips at the end of the time together are massively appreciated. There’s a lot of costs paid by the provider that go into advertising (ad sites, website, photoshoots) and into your session (space rental, outfits, hair and makeup, toys, transportation). So maybe consider a tip when deciding on your budget. All providers LOVE tips and tributes, so sending one with your application especially will make a really good impact!
Another lovely thing is sending a follow up note to let her know you enjoyed yourself. Best feedback of all? Booking another meeting right away!
If you're nervous, think of it this way. Part of this experience is to be naughty! Do something you don’t usually do. Something that’s a little scary. As long as you do use my tips to find the right fit, taking that leap will start you on your journey towards exploration!
Should I write a whole post on how to act during?
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